Forget the stereotype of the sad, lonely cat lady — a new U of T psychology study finds that on average, single women are happier than single men.
According to the researchers, the results suggest that men may have more to gain than women in heteronormative romantic partnerships.
“Ours is the first comprehensive study of how gender differences are tied to well-being in singlehood,” says lead author Elaine Hoan, a PhD candidate in the Department of Psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science.
“From here, we can begin to understand why exactly single women are doing better than single men, and how everyone can balance these elements to build their best lives.”
For the study, Hoan and Department of Psychology professor Geoff MacDonald examined four well-being outcomes of nearly 6,000 adults: how satisfied people are with their current relationship status, how satisfied they are with their life, how sexually fulfilled they are and how much they want to be in a relationship. Due to sample size limitations with non-binary individuals, the study focused on individuals who identified as men or women.
Overall, the researchers found that women fared better flying solo than men. They are happier with their single status, the quality of their lives, the quality of their sex lives and they desire a partner less.
Hoan says the results build on existing research that shows men fear singlehood more than women do, and that they struggle to navigate the expectations of traditional masculinity.
“There’s the notion that to really ‘be a man’, you must be the type that ‘gets girls’ — it’s a sign of status. But in the early stages of dating, men typically have a more difficult time obtaining a partner and therefore accessing sex.”
This connects to the finding that single women are more sexually fulfilled than single men, perhaps also because they may have more sexual freedom and can focus on their own pleasure instead of prioritizing a male partner’s.
Additionally, the authors looked at age and ethnicity in the context of gender. They found that older single men are happier than younger single men, which aligns with existing research showing that people tend to be happier with their long-term singlehood after the age of 40. They also noted that single Black women have a higher desire for a partner than single white women.
Hoan says the study serves as a jumping off point for contextualizing incels — extremists who resent women for their singlehood — within the broader population of single men. While incels are often studied as an isolated misogynistic subculture with unique issues, overall unhappiness in single men may lead some men to splinter off and join this group.
While the paper doesn’t provide direct evidence for why singlehood is a better experience for women relative to romantic relationships, it points to potential reasons for further investigation.
“For example, we know from existing research that in heteronormative relationship structures, women typically take on more than their fair share of domestic and emotional labour,” says Hoan. “As well, their sexual pleasure tends to be deprioritized and potentially reduced as a result of the unfair divisions of labour.”
She further notes that women may be more satisfied with their single lives overall because they usually have bigger social networks to rely on for support. They also have financial independence, meaning income as a traditional advantage of partnership is not as important as it used to be.
Hoan and MacDonald are next examining the link between marriage and well-being around the world, as their research continues to shed light on the extent to which romantic relationships contribute to life fulfillment — whether you’re in one or not.
“For single women more than anyone, societal pressures to partner might make it difficult for those who don’t want to necessarily jump into a relationship but feel like they should,” says Hoan.
“Our study validates that experience — if you want to stay single, you may be happier for it.”